“I believe the violence got out of control the first time my wife found out about my adultery. I know all of our confrontations had everything to do with my wife trying to save our marriage. At the time I was blind. I had tunnel vision. I only cared about what I wanted. I was being selfish. In turn, I started becoming verbally, emotionally, financially and physically abusive. I used these abusive tactics to try and justify the wrong and hurtful things I was doing.
I cheated on my wife and I was drifting apart from her while she struggled to keep us together. I believe I continued the abuse to try and separate from her. All I felt was numb. I couldn’t realize the hurt I was causing not only to my wife, but the hurt I was causing my family.
I justified the abuse by telling myself I didn’t want to be here anymore. I kept lying to myself by telling myself this would make her want to stay away from me. I was so wrong. My wife loved me so much she kept holding on.
I know that if the abuse continued it would’ve gotten much worse. I know it would have because my behaviors were getting out of control.
I am ashamed of what I did to my wife and my family. It is embarrassing to know that I let it get out of hand and not care about how it would affect my family. What I want most from this counseling is to learn how to effectively communicate with my beautiful wife. I also want to learn how to follow the steps on how to diffuse a bad situation. I want to recognize red flags and have the ability to talk with my wife and help understand when I need to take a time out. I need to learn how to cool down so that I can calmly talk about what is bothering me.
I’ve seen patterns in my behavior that all start with me drinking and talking to women on social media. I’ve learned when I spend time keeping myself busy doing projects, playing with my daughter or going out with my wife, all are healthy things I can do to keep me from falling back into my old ways.
I believe I’ve come a long way from where I used to be. I have made several changes in my life for the better. I know if any new behaviors come up in my life I can talk to my wife. She can help me figure out how to properly maintain my behaviors. I have learned a lot of step on how to recognize when I am being hurtful so when my red flags come up I will know how to deal with any problems without resorting to violence.”